Some people just can't get it all together

Published 1:51 am Wednesday, December 10, 2003

By Staff
I hate to say it, but some people are born losers.
I mean it, too. I know that's not nice to say, not what I should say, not what I'm supposed to say, but its the truth. When all is said and done, some people on this earth end up being a load for the rest of us to tote around.
Before I go any further, let me clarify something -- I'm not talking about people here who are sick or have some sort of legitimate problem. I hope God richly blesses anyone like that. What I'm talking about here are able bodied people who do such stupid things that the rest of us have to suffer on account of them. Believe me, there are a boat-load of them out there. Let me give you a couple of examples to illustrate my point.
Remember the story about the guy from England? The one who was spending time in an internet chat room talkin' to some ole gal from East Laurens? The one who became so smitten with love that he quit his job, sold his house, and flew over here to be with her?
I know, I know, I couldn't believe anyone could be that stupid, either. But, it got even worse. He arrived here, shacked up with her for a couple of days, and then she fed him some whoppers about her sister having to go into the hospital for some surgery. After those lies, she dumped him off at a motel, but not before skimming off every last dime he had in his pockets. He ended up broke and sponging off the motel owner until some money was gotten together that enabled him to fly back to England. And he ultimately did that, which is something we should all be very grateful for.
Can you imagine someone being so stupid that they'd sell off everything they had and come overseas to be with someone they'd never even met? I can't understand why he didn't just come over for a week or so and sort of test drive the situation. If things didn't go well, he could've just gone back home and resumed his life. That would've made sense. Instead, he ended up being taken to the cleaners, and I found myself almost glad the ole gal scammed him. It's obvious someone was gonna fleece him anyway, and at least she stimulated the economy here in Georgia with his money.
So you see what I mean?
This guy is a loser with a capital "L." But he's not alone by any means. Let's pick on the opposite sex for our second example.
A few years ago a mid-Georgia woman pulled into a Krystal drive through one day for lunch. She ordered herself two burgers and a drink.
What she didn't know when she placed her order was that the cook had set himself aside a couple of burgers and put some Tabasco sauce on them.
They were supposed to be his lunch. In the confusion and rush of lunchtime, he accidentally slipped them into her order.
Well, instead of just chalking up those burgers to experience, this woman sued the Krystal Corporation for a huge amount of money. She claimed that she drove out onto the highway, starting eating the burgers, and then almost passed out.
She even claimed the Tabasco sauce caused blisters to form in her mouth, and that the whole situation had caused her considerable emotional anguish.
I'll bet y'all can already see where this is headed. When her trial began, Krystal put a doctor up on the stand who testified that in the history of American medicine no one had ever remotely suffered a reaction to Tabasco sauce similar to the one this woman was claiming. When it mercifully ended, she was awarded a dollar or two to replace the Tabasco coated hamburgers.
Isn't that amazing? I can't even understand why people like this are allowed to mingle with the rest of us. Maybe there's a solution, though. Maybe the government should just set aside some funding and set up communities for the incurably stupid. An episode like this, and you're in. We might as well add the incurably brash or incurably whining into these communities as well. It would give these people safe haven, cost us less than allowing them to continue getting into trouble, and would also have the added benefit of giving our politicians a place to retire.
Now that's a government program I could get behind and back to the fullest.