There is really a positive side to divorce
Know what we're gonna talk about this week? Divorce.
Y'all heard me right -- divorce. And it's not gonna be what y'all might expect, either. We're going to talk about the positive aspects of divorce. Think that's impossible? Think that everyone who's divorced is all sad and depressed? Well, that may be true in most cases, but this week I'm gonna profile a man who's just been divorced and who's having the time of his life.
Now I'm betting that some of y'all out there might be wondering who this person is, and I'm not gonna keep y'all in suspense any longer. The person I'm talking about is Ray Pippin, one third of The Brotherhood.
Nope, I'm not fooling. Ray Pippin, AKA "The Pip," is one of my two best friends --Hugh Foskey is the other -- and collectively we're known as The Brotherhood, the most elite social organization in the world. We just spent this past weekend hanging out over at the IHOP (the official Brotherhood hang-out on Lake Sinclair), and Brother Pippin seemed to be quite upbeat the entire time we were there. Honestly, I found this to be a tad odd as the Pip has just recently been divorced, so I was guessing he'd be a bit down and all. Strangely enough, he was exactly the opposite, brimming over with energy the entire weekend, laughing and cutting up the whole time we were there. After witnessing that, I couldn't help but ask the Pip why he seemed to be doing so well. His answer should be an inspiration to some of you out there.
I didn't know what the Pippin Plan was, so I asked. The response, straight from the Pip himself:
Tip 1 -- "Date plentifully, and often. Ed, the perfect woman is one who's attractive, intelligent, and has flexible scruples. The kind of woman who will spend days and nights with you but has enough sense to leave when a good ballgame is about to come on. My kinda woman."
Tip 2: "Enjoy your freedom. I can't tell you how nice it is to watch American Gladiators at 2 a.m., or to tell some religious freaks who happen to knock on your door to get lost. Want some chocolate ice cream for breakfast? You eat it. Want to ogle one of those cute announcers on WMAZ-13 til your eyes wear out? You do it. It's simple as that."
Tip 3: "Watch your diet. I think the three most important food groups are salt, sugar, and caffeine. They have to be cause we crave them all so much."
Tip 4: "If you find yourself weakening, go and talk to one of your married friends. After he tells you about his latest visit to his in-laws, you'll be more than glad to count yourself among those single."
Talk about turning lemons into lemonade. Folks, Brother Pippin is onto something here, I just can feel it in my bones, and I'll bet all of y'all out there can feel it, too. So, for those of you who have been truly inspired and would like to have "The Happy Divorcee" come and address your civic group or club, just contact the Pip in care of the email addy at the bottom of this column.