Stupid pill nears perfection

Published 8:31 am Wednesday, August 9, 2006

By Staff
What you hear and see in the news these days is amazing. For example, a story I heard this weekend on the radio about a scientist in Germany, I think it was, who is working on an anti stupid pill.
Imagine a pill that cures stupidity. Of course, having such a pill raises all kinds of questions like how would an anti stupid pill work and what level of stupidity would it cure. Does it only fix run of the mill stupidity, like the kind I have when it comes to algebra or any math related thing? Or, does it handle large-scale stupidity, like some of the stuff that comes out of Washington, D.C.?
Another question, who decides what is and is not stupid? What exactly would be the criteria? Would there be a stupidity committee designated to come up with a stupid evaluation form?
Oh, would the pill be by prescription only or available over the counter? If it comes over the counter that means individuals could diagnose stupidity in themselves as opposed to it coming from a professional screening. Do you think most humans would walk into a store and purchase a pill that identified them as needing help with stupidity?
Of course, they could always say they were buying it for a friend or as a gift.
I thought about the treating-stupidity-with-a-pill issue for a while and then dismissed it as one of those crazy, useless things somebody probably got a lot of grant money to research. Surely, the world does not need an anti stupid pill. Don't we have enough common sense to work through being stupid without the help of pharmaceuticals?
Yep, that is what I thought until I saw another story on a Sunday morning television news show. The focus of the entire show was design and all of the ways design and designers affect our lives.
There was a segment featuring an architect who is now designing jewelry. One story spotlighted a designer who created a garbage can now displayed at the Museum of Modern Art. They showed Japanese artists painting beautiful designs on silk kimonos and talked about how it may become a lost art.
I watched with interest right up to the point where they moved into the bathroom story. It started by showing a glitzy hotel in New York City where you pay $15,000 a night to stay in the Presidential Suite. No that was not what brought the anti stupid pill to mind, but come to think of it, paying that much for somewhere to lay your head probably qualifies for a prescription.
After viewing the beautifully appointed suite, the reporter moved to the stylish, updated bathroom and right into what he called the &#8220water closet.” For those of us in South Alabama that is where the potty is located.
The sophisticated woman directing the tour proceeded to instruct the reporter in how to use the toilet. It is not what you are thinking - there was no partial nudity involved in this lesson.
No, she showed him how to program his toileting preferences. I am not kidding; there was a panel beside the commode with buttons and something that looked like icons on a computer screen.
And then the woman answered my question.
Seems the potty comes equipped with a magic wand that comes out and (this part may be too graphic for children to read) cleans certain areas after you have completed your business. Wait, it gets better.
There is a setting for front and rear cleaning, and when that is complete, it goes on to the drying phase of the process.
She went on to say this amazing bathroom fixture is available to anyone who wants to spend about $5,000.
At that moment, I remembered the stupid pill story and began to rethink the need for it. As I pondered this, a sentenced flashed across the television screen as the designer potty story ended.
I hope that scientist perfects his anti stupid creation soon because if people feel the need to spend thousands of dollars for an ultimate toileting experience there is a market for that pill.
Nancy Blackmon is an Andalusia resident.

Email newsletter signup